May 25 YTD Check-In

I have a vision of gaining control over my life. I can do what I am told but prefer feeling in charge of my destiny.

Last year, I came to terms with my habits not putting me on the path to be able to make this a reality. This year I have begun to focus. 

My focus is not perfect, but I am making progress. 

The progress that I am most proud of: 

I coded a website using cursor ai. This was a large challenge but I had a lot of fun doing it. The end result sucked and I realized that the time I was putting into it could be regained by paying for a squarespace subscription so I paid for that again but I did have a lot of fun and am interested in learning coding at a deeper level as it will directly play into some of my future endeavors and is a practical skill in the age we live in. 

I am also very proud of the progress that I have made in the gym. I have spent months dieting and cutting 30 lbs. This has been a huge challenge as I’ve never had to cut weight and I’m not used to allowing my body to be hungry. My physique is the best it has ever been and I am enjoying checking myself out and not berating myself for getting fat. This is going to be ongoing and once I hit 220 lbs, I finally get to flip the switch from dieting to a lean bulk. I’m looking forward to the extra calories. 

Actions resulting in greater opportunities

There was a period where I was creating videos (recording myself) daily and it helped me gain more confidence talking naturally on camera. I recognized from this opportunities to create more engaging content along with a need to add significantly more value to my videos. I also need to take time to sit down and edit videos and create thumbnails. I don’t enjoy creating thumbnails much at all and need to find a way to make this fun. 

For months until the last couple of weeks, I have been writing and posting blogs daily. My writing has definitely improved but my focus on quantity doesn’t always translate to quality. I am torn on what to do with this. I really enjoy a lot of the content that I have published and created but I think I may need to find a way to better tie it into driving traffic to my website. I liked the idea of turning each piece into a podcast and reading it and have added audio to some of the earliest posts. I would like to finish this out as I think it makes the pieces more accessible and adds a little personal flair. While I love connecting with people through their writing, it can be interesting engaging with them through different mediums. 

Videos videos videos. I use perfectionism as a method of procrastination. While it’s imperative that I create high-quality content that showcases my abilities, I am spinning my wheels if I never put myself in a position to receive feedback from people. I believe the more natural I can become on camera, the more engaging I can be and post-production is just the icing on the cake. At the end of the day, I just want to add value. Adding a personal channel that allows me to be me has been both fun and challenging as it is resulting in me pushing the boundaries of the content that I create. It makes me uncomfortable as I have to be significantly more intentional with what I create and sometimes I struggle locking in for the deep work. 

Hobbies

I enjoy playing CoD but last year I used it to numb myself from the sorrows of losing my dogs. I would play video games to escape, much like I did as a kid. You don’t have to think about your emotions if you play video games until you are tired. I have pretty much dropped this hobby for the time being and only play for a limited time with my friends as a way to be social without the obligation of driving anywhere.

Disc golf has resurfaced in my life and I have been having a lot of fun. I use it as a way to walk my dog and a great way to get outside and socialize. It’s been a lot of fun not only as a chance to connect with my dog and friends but it has been fun because I don’t suck as much as I used to and can finally throw nearly 400 ft (not amazing but way better than I used to be). 

I was going to prolong studying Japanese until I regain the freedom in my life but it is a fun challenge for me and another way for me to push myself so I have brought it back. I am almost one kinda sorta reading through Harry Potter in Japanese (initially doing intensive reading but know letting someone read it and following along with them because ya boy is a SLOW reader in English and even slower in Japanese). Still, a fun challenge and I really want to be fluent when I finally get to go back to Japan. 

Side note - the gym could be considered a hobby but I am taking it pretty seriously as I want to be ripped and live a long life soooo….

Spending money - this is a bad habit but worth noting and the current frequency makes it fit in the hobby category well. It’s so bad that I just almost bought $100 of energy drinks just because they are on sale. Gotta tame those impulses my guy. 

Going forward

I am going to continue to experiment. I feel like that is the season that I am in. I am incredibly judgemental of myself as I know I can do more and that all I need to do is take action repeatedly to make progress but I get stuck in cycles of overthinking. 

Experimentation season is going to be me focusing on just doing the damn thing. I had previously identified this as doing that hard thing but am changing the perspective as experimentation and play is way more fun and motivating to me than trying to make myself into a taller, less bearded, much poorer version of Alex Hormozi—I also don’t need to be David Goggins. 

I just crave freedom and control over my life. 

PS - there is a Neapolitan Mastiff breeder in Australia that we would love to get a puppy from as their dogs are absolutely gorgeous and because of a stupid policy instituted last year due to irresponsible people shipping dogs with rabies into the US - this is very pricey and I NEVER ever want to be in the position to not scoff at a price tag on a new family member. 

PSS - I refuse to regret my life and I promise I’m going to work to prevent that.