Week 1478

While these aren’t always my favorite thing in the world to type out, I think a lot about the value of them. 

How many times have you thought about a situation, circumstance, or time in your life but you can’t remember just about anything with any semblance of clarity? You feel like you are confounding facts with fiction and are casting your current understanding of life on the past?

Right now, I feel like I am a bit lost in life. Work has been stressful and I know that it isn’t what I want to do forever but I don’t yet have the skills to move in a different direction. 

I want life to move fast so I can see where I am going but that’s not how it works in the moment. Time moves slowly until you have take the time to reflect. 

Granted, the more time you have under your belt, the less significant each minute feels. 

I am thinking a lot about how I can make the most of the situation that I am in. I have it objectively good. I am married to a phenomenal person that I am so grateful to have as a partner. I love the little family that we have created with our pets and they all fill my cup daily. 

My stressors are trivial like thinking about the pain point of needing a larger vehicle down the road to accommodate for my large stature and our large dogs and the absurd costs of vehicles at this point in time (if you want something newer with relatively low mileage that is a full size SUV or Truck). There is stress at work but it is stress that ensures that I have a job. The stress of ensuring that our pets are fed the best food and the cost that coincides with that. The stress of supporting my wife and her building her company. 

But putting pen to paper—finger to key, rather—I recognize the trivial nature of this. 

It also coincides with how much I have been thinking about the human condition and the nature of our desire to want more. I catch myself constantly wanting to buy random shit like anime t-shirts to where to the gym based on targeted advertisements that make no impact on my life. I find myself guilty of wanting more. Of thinking how much better things could be… Then I remind myself that we live in one of the best times in known history to be alive. 

Sure, times were simpler in the past. All you had to do was worry about your survival. But… all you had to do was worry about your survival. You had to constantly be vigilant to your surroundings. You would spend most of your day burning calories in hope of finding your next meal. 

While that was simpler, we have convenience now. The ability to stock our fridges with food. To drive across the country and back in a week. The convenience to be selfish and think about what we want in life. What we want to make of ourselves. 

We still have our animal brain that steers the ship more than any of us would care to admit but we get to lean more and more into this experience of trying to do something with our lives while having our basic needs met. 

I am not ignorant to the world and recognize that there are people that still have to fight for their survival—but, if you are reading this, you have it good enough. You have an internet connection that gives you more access to information and knowledge than our ancestors could possibly fathom. 

Yet we still want more. 

Sometimes, it’s so ridiculous I laugh. 

Until I forget about it and start fantasizing about the next car I will get. 

I got into the gym but had a bit harder time than I have had in the last 8 months. I’m not sure if it was the break that I had this past week or the compounding stress but it felt foreign to me to struggle to go. 

When I went on Saturday, I washed my car on the way there for the first time after the long roadtrip. Having a clean windshield is SO satisfying. 

I have been playing a bit of Pokemon Legends Z-A and, while Syd hated it, I have been enjoying it. I have found that I can only play it in short stints, though, as my lack of playing video games has resulted in me getting lethargic and nauseous if I play for too long. This is probably a good thing. 

This has also made me realize how important being active is in my life. While I sometimes struggle to muster the energy to do the damn thing, I am always happy doing it. 

Painpoints (areas where I am noticing an opportunity that may be worth addressing)

I need to take my clothes to get tailored but don’t want to take them to the dry cleaner. I have wasted more mental energy on this than it would take to do it. 

I need to take Syd’s laptop and my old laptop to be worked on. 

I will need a bigger car in the future. Especially if we are going to road trip with the dogs out to Missouri more often.  

My body is driving me crazy. Sometimes it’s my hip flexor, sometimes my knee, more often my shoulder. I am thinking about going to the gym 7 times a week with two of the days being active recovery where I can focus on exercises that help heal my body (ATG/GOATA/WeckMethod programs).

I need to walk more which I have been avoiding because I keep bothering my knee but I want to spend more time walking with the dogs. It’s fulfilling to them and I love that.