Week 1480

I’m still struggling to write these in a timely manner which is ironic given that I have a check-in with my dietitian every Sunday. I think it’s because I wait to see what happens on Sunday and forget that this is something that I want to be doing, despite seeing the value in being able to reflect. I also think it’ll be interesting to give other people a lens into the life of another person - to see the thoughts and experiences that we share along with those that we don’t. 

One of the thoughts that I have been having a lot this week has centered around building skills. I have been thinking about my progression at work and what I want to accomplish while I work here and that has prompted a lot of introspection. 

What do I want to do? What do I want to be? What do I want to accomplish? What is meaningful to me? What would fulfilling my potential look like? How comfortable taking risks am I?

The answer to many of these questions is, “I don’t know.” That is both annoying and freeing. It’s annoying because we’d all like to have life figured out. To have a clear direction and to be able to act on that direction relentlessly to accomplish what we want. But we can fall prey to these visions. To these goals. 

When we believe that life is clear and what we want out of life is clear, it is easy to fall victim to the inability to assess what we want and why we want it. Without checking in periodically, we may achieve what we thought we wanted and still find ourselves to be unfulfilled. 

When life isn’t clear, you get to try many paths. You get to experiment and you get to change your mind. I used to think I couldn’t finish much. I would try things, invest in hobbies, just to get side-tracked and go a different direction—leaving a wake of unfinished projects behind me. 

I thought this was my curse.

But I don’t view it that way. I have begun to think that the good things stick and you can tell how much you enjoy something by how long it sticks around. If you don’t want to do something, you can assess what was getting in the way. 

For some, it may be deeper than that, but for me, this is true. Afterall, I have been back in the gym consistently for over a year. I have been successful in every job I have had (even if I get bored when the learning slows), I got a couple of degrees with no issues, I have studied Japanese on my own for the better part of two years. 

So now, instead of judging myself for trying new things - I am trying to intentionally slow the speed at which I try them. If I am interested in learning from Ben (Knees Over Toes Guy) I try to implement part of his training into what I am already doing and see if I notice a difference. Tibialis raises right now. If I want to work on training Ellie so she stops yanking the piss out of me when she wants to chase after a rabbit, I am picking a skill on YouTube that we can routinely incorporate into our daily lives (we are working on sitting at the front door before she goes out). 

In the past, I would buy a program, do it for a day or a week and let it go by the wayside. Slow incorporation is testing my patience but also allowing me to develop better habits that enable sustainable progress. This is a win for everybody. 

This has also prompted me to evaluate what skills are important to me. I love dogs and plan to have them as long as I can have them responsibly. Shouldn’t I be sufficient in being able to train them to a pretty high level along with correcting undesired behaviors (cough, Ellie, cough)? 

Should I have an understanding of how to cook well if I am going to cook for myself daily? Should I deepen my knowledge of the body if I want to exercise? 

The answer to these isn’t always going to be yes but by asking the question, I can evaluate what does make sense. 

And, for the record, I do believe that I should be able to have a well-mannered dog that I can take with me anywhere and I should have the knowledge to do that. 

I also believe, after experimenting for the last 9 months, that having a coach to learn these skills and to properly develop them, is very beneficial - especially for my learning style. I like being shown what to do, how to do it, and being able to ask questions to deepen my understanding. 

This isn’t always viable but this is where buying online courses can be beneficial to the average person. 

I have gone back and forth on these as some of them feel like cash grabs and most of the information is available for free and they are simply organizing it for you, but I do believe that these can help build your knowledge and that, once you hit a degree of proficiency, you begin to create your own style and approach to that skill. 

A deeper thought I have been having is that we think too much about cultivating our style. Believing that there is a right and a wrong when there simply is. If it makes sense to you, it makes sense to you. If it works, it works. What has worked for others may feel unnatural to you, even after earnest effort to apply it and that can be just as informative as it feeling natural. 

When something doesn’t work for you or feel good while you are doing it, it helps steer you in the right direction for what is right for you. 

We love to emulate. We look up to people and pretend they aren’t the same flawed being that we are and aspire to be them. Yet, ultimately, the best you you can be is you. 

Embracing who you are is ultimately how you are going to feel successful and fulfilled and only you can figure that out for yourself. 

I haven’t seen anybody reflect on their life weekly in this format with inspiration from Four Thousand Weeks Time Management for Mortals, but I am doing it and it makes sense to me. 

It reminds me that life is finite and where I am at in that progression (my form of memento mori). It also reminds me that life is long enough that I can slow down and focus on consistent application instead of feeling like I need to sprint through everything. 

I genuinely want to learn Japanese, but I don’t have to be fluent this year. I want to have a YouTube channel that helps others - it’s okay if it is flawed and takes 10 years to gain traction. I want this to be helpful to others and have another 3,520 weeks to do that (give or take 3,520 weeks or so). 

Helping one person is beneficial. Helping thousands is too. While I would love to have scale, impacting just one makes a difference in their life. 

The last thought that I have been having is a question. What do we even know anyway? 

If I were a betting man, I’d say that humans (if we don’t interrupt ourselves by doing something self-destructive) are still in their infancy. We are still infinitely ignorant to everything and know infinitely less than there is to know. 

We will continue to learn about ourselves until we cease to be. 

I find that freeing. 

That means that facts are just the current limitations of our knowledge. That science will always lag anecdotes, and that there is so much more to uncover in the world—even when the world is trying to impose their beliefs and “knowledge” on you. 

It means you can choose to believe what works for you and share those experiences. Some people will love you, others will hate you, and it is all shaped by their limited understanding of our limited understanding of everything. 

Simply put, we know nothing, Jon Snow. And that’s okay. Try different approaches to life and make up what works for you. 

As for what happened last week - my stress decreased as I felt back in control of my work. Syd went to Universal and was not a huge fan of Epic Universe since the story didn’t have much overlap with the Harry Potter books we know and love. I felt guilty since I was the only one home taking care of the dogs and worked from the office, they didn’t get as much time and attention as I believe they deserve. Ellie seems to be pulling more after rabbits - yay us. I contemplated buying a dog training course from Will Atherton and from American Standard Dog Training. I did a decent job at Wanikani. Got a pretty solid week of sleep (over 7 hours) and a really solid week of walking (11k steps+ a day). Did a check-in and looked ripped. Jack’s words not mine. Okay, my words and not how I actually felt but I didn’t look bad. I increased my temptation to buy supplements and try different exercise programs. Helped Syd stage her first listing worth over $1 million (7 listings in). Drove a 26’ Uhaul and only hit a lot of curbs and broke one of Syd’s lamps by not strapping it down (she handles things like this A LOT better than I do). Hit over 230 lbs on the scale for the first time in a hot minute. Tried to listen to music while working out and get tired of it a few songs in (weirdo, am I right?). Spent too much time mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. Managed to sell a water distiller that had been listed since the dawn of time. Thought a little bit about cleaning the garage out for Sydney. Didn’t act on it, but thought really hard for a couple of seconds. Left Truman out unsupervised for 6 hours. He killed it. Such a good boy. Well, he laid on our pillows which is a no-no but I’ve come home to much worse. Failed to find the kitten that I traumatized trying to catch after it bit through my fingernail and clawed the shit out of me along with peeing on and or spraying me… Realized I should have been more patient and bought a heated tent (which was supposed to be overnighted to me, still hasn’t shipped and can’t be canceled) along with a heated water bowl to ensure it has a safe place if it chooses to forgive my impatience. Passed the 1 year anniversary of putting Hank down due to heart failure. Realized that was during a snow storm and that it has yet to snow this year. Typed a long post midway through the following week and couldn’t remember anything else during my run-on paragraph so I called it good.