Weeks 1524 and 1525
The last few weeks/months, I feel like I have been eager to skip ahead three to four years as many of my current goals will take that long or longer to achieve.
It’s been a bit frustrating that time hasn’t been moving as quickly as I would like.
I’ve always been forward-looking. I love to have a goal to pursue and I love pursuing it but I can’t recall a time like this where I haven’t been as present as I would like to be.
I can see so clearly where I will be but it’s hard to draw myself back to today. For some of my goals, the inability to pull myself back today is hindering where I want to be.
Ultimately, if progress towards a goal is predicated by action, I have been struggling to act in some areas because of my preoccupation with where I am going.
I’m almost ruminating on the future and all of the things that I will do and how important it is for me to get me - get us - to that future.
I have been consistent with the gym, continuing to drop weight in my cut, progressing in work, making slow progress in my Japanese, walking the dogs more and longer, yet I still feel like I’m not making progress.
Daily progress is so incremental.
I recorded 100 daily videos last year with the same conclusion.
People don’t do that format because the progress is incredibly incremental. Practically invisible.
It’s damn near impossible to distinguish day 30 from day 100, yet day 1 to 1000 can result in MASSIVE change.
So I have been impatient with myself.
Living from the first person perspective - seeing everything that I need to do and how far I have to go makes it easy to want to be in the future.
People talk about falling in love with the process but I don’t know what that looks like and how to bring that forward.
It’s so much easier to look forward to outcomes.
I think part of my struggle is how ambiguous life gets as you progress past levels that are easy to follow.
College was easy. Pick a major, get a clearly defined set of classes that you are required to take to graduate. Select your courses. Show up to class. Study here and there. Rinse and repeat and before you know it, you have a degree.
Progressing in the early years of your career is very similar.
It’s amazing how much simply showing up and having any standards for yourself will do for you.
Not getting a degree in Japanese means that the path isn’t quite as clear and the accountability is all internal.
Achieve conversational fluency.
My lifting is similar.
250lbs at 10%. But do I want to do yoga or plyometrics to help ensure that I’m a useful skin bag of muscle or am I okay with being a brick? (I have no desire to not be athletic).
Being a good dog owner?
Feeding them well. Giving them daily mental stimulation. But how much? What is the standard? How much above the standard should I strive to be?
As I write this - I see that it’s as simple as defining what success looks like in each of these categories but then it becomes what is a reasonable versus unreasonable timeline to assess what success is? How hard can I push myself without breaking? How close am I to that threshold now?
I’m living this odd paradox of feeling lazy but knowing that I am making more intentional progress on many of my goals than others.
So is it really just the slow, seemingly invisible progress that’s bothering me?
Should I just set check-ins to assess my progress in each of the areas?
I started the Genki textbooks as I was going to join a Japanese class and realized that I could probably self-study a bit more and still make a lot of progress with the structure of the textbooks that most Japanese language-learning programs use.
I had looked at a PDF of the books years ago and remember that my head was spinning at the time.
Reading it now, I’m cruising through it with minimal issues.
It’s honestly been a great experience as I know that I have made a ton of progress since I started, even if I can’t see it or my intentional studying is exhausting.
And it’s reminded me that instead of always living in the future, it’s okay to be present and assess myself against the past.
